Thursday, February 2, 2012

In this lifetime...

What is your biggest fear?
Snakes? Spiders? Clowns? Death?

I used to think that my biggest fear was dying or losing the people that I loved the most. Death is scary, the thought of never seeing somebody ever ever again in this lifetime is a horrible thought. Of course this is something that still frightens me like crazy but lately I have been feeling scared about other things, U have had this feeling or urgency to complete everything that I have ever wanted to do. 

I'm scared of running out of time and not doing everything and anything that I have always wanted to do.
My biggest fear is not having enough time.

I think maybe as we get older we start to realise that time goes by so fast, we understand that we cant control everything and sometimes we get so busy that things that we used to want to do fall by the way side so we can get our "normal" jobs and day-to-day life work done.

For me I'm starting to get scared. I'm twenty three, I feel like I may have wasted the last three or so years of my life "fluffing" around, chopping and changing my mind, moving away and then moving back home again, starting a degree then deferring it, falling in love and then back out again. I feel like I am only just now starting to realise what I want out of life and all of the amazing things that I want to do with my time.

Tonight I was sitting beside my dad on the couch as he read the newest issue of the Outback Magazine. He was admiring all of the gorgeous cattle herds and farms that cover the pages of this issue. He was "Ooohing" and "Ahhing" at how beautiful these properties looked and we both admired how great their lives looked, just being "Farmers" living off the Land. I love farming, and having grown up with my dad and his dad being graziers on the land I have always thought that I might end up on a property somewhere down the line. Now that I am finally choosing to finish my degree in Graphic Design over the next two years, I feel like my "farm-girl" lifestyle is getting further and further away.

As I saw a picture of a farm-girl in the magazine my stomach sank. I thought, "How great would it be to just be a "farmer" like this girl?". I told myself, "maybe in another lifetime". I felt a little sick at this thought and I got scared.

"Maybe in another lifetime?". We only have one lifetime. I want to be the farm-girl and the graphic designer and the horse enthusiast and the fashion-ista and the avid traveller all at once! Is it possible to do all of these things in one lifetime? This lifetime? Am I running out of time at twenty three?

For some reason I used to feel like when we decided what we want to be once we became "grown-ups" it meant we had to stick to it. You decided to be a nurse, that's it... you're a nurse. Now that I am older and realising that I have a passion for a whole swag of things (farming, design, photography, agriculture etc) I'm starting to believe that if you work hard at it, you can be as many things as you want to be, all at the same time. There doesn't have to be limitations just because of a chosen profession!

I am going to start telling myself that it is possible to be the fun, graphic design-y, crafty, country farm girl all at once. We don't have to choose one particular path, we can have it all in this lifetime!

The key is to start working towards it NOW!

I'm not going to wait around to contemplate and change my mind and get confused on what I really want to do. I'm going to throw myself into everything that I enjoy and enjoy doing it and I'm going to do it well!!

Time to get over my biggest fear. I have plenty of time, as long as I start now!

(Me and my Dad riding our horses on our farm)

What are you afraid of in "this lifetime" ?



  1. I worry too that life will pass by so quickly and I won't have done everything I wanted to do...

    1. I'm glad that I'm not the only one, thanks K!


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